How did you discover the world of Female Domination / submission and what attracted you to it?
Well I guess there are three answers to this question.
First, of course we all encounter strong women in our lives. My first memory of this was when I was seven and had a beautiful teacher that I was completely in love with. I am sure my desire to please her and do everything she told me to was a very formative influence on my psyche.
Second, our culture already has a strong element of female domination, if you look into the tradition of Courtly Love which was introduced by Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine and her daughter Marie, Countess of Champagne in the Eleventh Century, they promoted the idea that men should serve women.
So a “gentle man” is one who honours and respects women, and places them first. A true Knight is not only the vassal (slave/servant) of the King, but equally and in some respects more so, also the slave of their Lady. CS Lewis was a medieval scholar and wrote of this in his book The Allegory of Love but I actually encountered it when I was probably about eleven in his Narnia book The Silver Chair in which a Knight falls under the spell of a beautiful enchantress, she makes him her mindless slave, willing to do whatever she wants. I absolutely loved this and was thrilled by the idea, I felt the book should end where all the protagonists fell under the spell of the beautiful Witch, and in fact wrote my own ending for the book in which this happens.
Third when I was I think about 19-20 I came across a more traditional femdom film and realised there was a whole subculture going on. I read Venus in Furs and lots of other BDSM books and fantasised about being the slave of a beautiful woman.
However it wasn’t until quite recently that I actually got in touch with anyone else to make this more than a personal daydream.
How long have you been a submissive? Are you a submissive in “real life” as well or do you switch?
I think this is very interesting. I think the term “submissive” is really too broad. As a person I am very helpful and obliging, I often go out of my way to do things for people and enjoy being helpful. However I do have strong views and opinions and also to some extent do things because I think I can do them better than other people, so I wouldn’t see myself particularly as a pushover. I will do things that I think should be done and that are kind and helpful to people.
I would say in real life I’m pretty assertive and confident, but I’m also easy going and relaxed, I’m far from being an intense personality which I think some “tops” can be.
So I wouldn’t say I am dominant in real life, but I can stand my ground and keep boundaries. However when I am with a Domme I think I just relax those boundaries because it is enjoyable and pleasurable to do so.
Are you a slave to any Domme? If so, explain why you serve Her.
Well I’m currently slave-in-training or “slave-wannabe” as She puts it, to Princess Mika. I serve Her because I lust after Her with great intensity and think She is the Hottest Woman on the Planet.
I didn’t really choose Her in any rational way, I just saw Her and fell in love with Her.
However I have had a presentiment that I would fall in love with a beautiful Korean woman for a few weeks now. It began with a dream and I began to just obsessively start googling beautiful Korean women – so when I discovered Princess Mika was half-Korean I knew the Universe wanted me to be Her slave.
What are your most memorable moments, as a submissive?
I don’t know that I can identify particular incidents, although when a domme accepts me as a slave I do get a strong thrill of fear and anticipation. It is really just the joy of the whole relationship that is memorable to me. To be in the power of a beautiful woman, to know that – in some sense – she owns You and that She is your highest priority.
I enjoy spending money when I have it on my domme. I do remember nearly clearing out the wish list of a domme I was with and enjoying her reaction when she realised what I had done.
I suppose in relation to that getting large credit-card debts has also been pretty memorable. But then the pleasure of an orgasm lasts moments, the pleasure of debts for Your Goddess last years.
What is one thing you wish you knew about FemDom/submission before you started?
As I said I don’t really do a lot of “due diligence” before going with a domme, perhaps I should, I just go with my heart, if that isn’t too ridiculous. However I would say that dommes who specialise in domination when a sub is physically present tend to be more focussed on that and I have only ever done – and only want to do – remote domination. So I have found if the domme I am with is spending the day doing sessions with clients, they aren’t really that bothered taking much notice of me via Twitter.
The other thing I found was I was with a domme who was also camming and was trying to move over to femdom/findom, but although she had two Twitter accounts for the two roles, she spent nearly all her time on the camming account because that was where her income was, so again it wasn’t ideal.
So the lesson really is if you want remote femdom it is probably better to choose a domme who specialises in that. I mean I don’t like generalisations, I’m sure there are exceptions, I’m just saying that’s my personal experience.
Are there aspects of the FemDom industry you wish you could change? If so, what are they?
Well the first thing that comes to mind isn’t the femdom industry but the financial industry – or business in general – they should let femdom people get on with what they are doing. What right does PayPal have to shut down accounts and take people’s money? I’ve had so many calls to them to let them make a payment (I know everyone says don’t use them but for some reason the Domme I was with at the time insisted on it). Ditto with TransferWise – if you want to transfer more than like $200 they want to know all the details about what you are doing. Why is it any of their business?
Also I always try to keep Amazon messages really general – even when the email address is “firstname.lastname@example.org” – because I’ve heard they can block femdom accounts – and again, why? We’re all consenting adults, why the hassle?
But regarding Femdom itself – nothing in particular comes to mind – as far as I can see it is a good example of a sort of organic organisation run by the women who do it, who police it themselves, they are usually intelligent, interesting, creative people, they have good business sense, they help each other, if they see a problem they work together to try to fix it, if they see someone abusing the system they try to stop it. I think DommeSource.com is a great example of this co-operative spirit.
If there are any problems in the FemDom industry I am sure they are caused by our intolerant society. We need decriminalization of all adult, consenting sex-work and a society which values, supports and protects sex-workers not causes them all the hassle and frustration that many experience.
What are your favorite fetishes and why?
Fundamentally I like Goddess Worship – I want to be the loyal slave and servant of my Mistress, to tribute her, do things for her, tell her how amazing she is, pray to her, adore her, lust after her, and if I do well to be told I’m a Good Boy.
I like her to give me tasks to do and try to do them successfully. I’m not particularly keen on being disgusting but at the same time part of me wants to prove to my Mistress that I would do anything for her, so there is a little bit of that in there. However more than that I prefer that she gives me more positive goals such as being healthy and keeping fit.
I like brainwashing, I like hypnosis, spellbinding and enchantment – I like my mind being taken on a journey where my thoughts are far away and replaced by those of my Mistress. I very much enjoy the idea of being a mindless, obedient slave.
Really this is going back to The Silver Chair where the Knight is totally under the control and power of the Enchantress. That would be complete heaven.
What are your least favorite fetishes and why?
Anything scatological is a total turn off.
In “real life”, do you consider yourself successful? In other words, were you born a sub or are you a sub by choice?
Yes I’m successful – I’ve a good job, I’m reasonably well-balanced and happy. I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs test a few times and always come out as an INTJ (The Architect) which it a pretty good combination of personality traits.
However, as I say I don’t necessarily associate being a sub with being unsuccessful. I think Jesus and the Buddha were subs. Gandhi has a quote that you have to be strong to forgive, not weak. So for me there are two types of Sub – perhaps more. The good sub is caring, sympathetic, helpful, thoughtful, patient, kind and good.
However Nietzsche describes the “resentment” of the weak, and there are weak characters who are actually rather loathsome, nursing resentment, being very passive aggressive because they won’t be open about their feelings, they seem to me much darker characters, perhaps they are pretty unpleasant people who want to be punished and beaten out of genuine remorse for their sins.
Describe your ideal relationship with a FemDomme.
I think you can probably guess from my previous answers, but I would hope to be someone who is genuinely helpful and supportive of my domme, if I buy her things or do good things I like to receive praise, I want to try to be very very very good to her.
I like her to reward me with praise and also being allowed to cum – I guess I haven’t mentioned this aspect, I am a bit ambivalent about it to be honest. I have gone quite long periods with either being in chastity or edging (well, I found them long). I went for just over three months only cuming once in each month, also edging for extended periods (the longest was 2 weeks of edging, cuming, then 3 further weeks of edging).
But I can’t keep that up, I can do it for so long and then I need a break and unfortunately in both cases I broke with my domme at the end of each of those sessions because I was just exhausted from the experience, so I guess that’s another lesson learned.
Every day is a blessing or a lesson!
What is your favorite aspect of being a sub?
I do like getting to know my domme better. I think some people say this is a bit of a red line and don’t mix personal with the role, but actually I think both sides can’t help but mix the two. Yes there is a degree of role playing but we aren’t actors in a play, we are playing out something that gives us pleasure and fulfilment as people, so we are more like emphasising certain aspects of our personalities, giving them a chance to express themselves when they wouldn’t otherwise.
So “we” are still in these roles we play, it is just we are adjusting them to make the way we interact more pleasurable and enjoyable, and isn’t that just how we are in real life anyway, we are always adjusting ourselves to better interact with others – in NLP it is called “Mirroring”.
I often find dommes are just really fascinating people, very intelligent, well read, funny, articulate, often with a very wide range of skills and talents, very independently-minded, original, they really are a blessing to be able to pray to and worship. I do absolutely adore and love them when I am a sub. I don’t act my admiration, I am genuinely adoring of them.
What do you look for when looking for a Domme? Are there any special characteristics that you look for?
I think there is a difference between what I look for and what keeps me. What I look for is just has my lust just gone off the scale, and is it staying off the scale for a significant period of time? If I can’t stop thinking about her then that makes my mind up.
What keeps me is different, I’ve been with dommes for just a month and in each case we just didn’t gel – they didn’t seem to really be set up to deal with what I wanted. I should probably have “investigated” them more – like had a checklist or something, but as Aziz Ansari says in “Modern Romance” we don’t always know what we want, I think it is probably better to just go with it and see if it works.
I mean I told them what I wanted, they accepted me, but it just didn’t happen.
Is there anything that a Domme does or could do that would turn you completely away? Or, if you have served a Domme before and left, why did you leave?
Well apart from the aforementioned, I left one Domme because she just did chastity and I couldn’t carry on with it, it was a shame, she was a fabulous woman.
Do you partake in online sessions, clips, or in person sessions? Which are your favorite and least favorite and why?
Yes I enjoy FemDom clips and enjoy watching them. My favourites are worship clips, my Goddess is my focus in life, I pray to her and I believe I can send her positive energy to support and protect her, and the clips help me do that. I pray to her regularly throughout the day, being able to worship her via a clip is just a very helpful conduit to that practice.
I also think lust is a very important energy. If you study any Daoism you will find out about chi energy (“vital force”) and Tantric sexual practices such as edging and channeling sexual energy around the body (Hinduism has similar teachings on the sacral chakra and Kundalini) – so again, I feel clips can help with these areas – Tease and Denial, JOI and Edging I find very enjoyable.
I mean the videos don’t have to explicitly reference these things (I just did a search on iwantclips for “Kundalini” and only had three results) they just need to intensify the experience of lust.
Really sex work brings so much pleasure and enjoyment to so many people it should be supported and valued in our society, it is disgraceful that it isn’t up there with being a doctor as one of the most important professions society can provide. The women who produce these clips are bringing so much happiness to millions of people, and all the positive energy they produce are probably what keeps the world turning!
Is there anything you would like to say to the DommeSource audience, to both fellow Dommes and Subs?
Well in any relationship it is really difficult to know what is going on in the head of the other person, and I think this is particularly true in Femdom, I don’t know how frequently subs leave dommes, but I suspect the rate could be drastically reduced if we were somehow able to communicate better.
In business there is a rule that it is far cheaper to keen an existing customer than get a new one, I don’t know if that is true in Femdom but I can’t help thinking it would be nicer if we were able to understand each other a little better. I do think it must be so difficult for a Domme to second-guess what a Sub is going to want, maybe the Sub doesn’t even know it. If you have ever set a Quiz it is so difficult to not make the questions too easy or too difficult, that’s the challenge I think in Femdom, to utilise the Goldilocks Principle.
Also for Subs to be respectful that while for some dommes this is earning pocket-money, for many it is their income – this is how they pay the bills, so to be respectful of their time and also recognise that they need time off now and again.
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