Sub Spotlight Interview

See inside the mind of various submissives. My sixteenth interview is with Joe B.!

How did you discover the world of female domination/submission and what attracted you to it?

I was exposed to the world of BDSM on the internet in my adolescence. I was intrigued and excited by the sites I could find. This was back in the late ’90s/early 2000s so the amount of resources and content was nothing compared to what it is now. Despite that, I would gobble up anything and everything just to feed my curiosity. I found that I tended to gravitate to stories and images that explored domination/submission fantasies. As male domme female sub material was the most prevalent that was I was first exposed to. Eventually, I found femdom content in the wide expanse that is the internet, but at the time I didn’t really distinguish it as something different from the other types of D/s content I had seen as it was all new and exciting.

Fast forward to my early 20s when I stumbled upon jerk off instruction videos it was through these I found the female domination online community. It started with regular jerk off instruction clips. Having a women speaking directly to me telling me what to do resonated with me. This led me to continue to explore these clips on tube sites. I found that I really enjoyed the clips where the model was more forceful. Following the rabbit down the rabbit hole, I discovered a world of new and exciting fetishes, and over the years I would explore more and more parts of the femdom world while discovering parts of me that I kind of always knew existed, but never really took the time to stop and see. Reflecting on these experiences I would have to say that the through line is how thrilling the act of giving up of power and control is. It is quite amazing how much can be built on that foundation.

I suppose you could say that I’ve been a submissive my whole life. I was always the quiet shy kid growing up. I remember that I was so easily embarrassed that I would turn beat red when the teacher would call on me in class. As I matured into an adult I kept many of my submissive tendencies. I am generally not a forceful person, and I often opt to defer to other’s needs over my own. That being said in real life one cannot exist being completely submissive, and as I have grown I have learned to take control and be a leader when that is needed of me. I honestly don’t mind the role of being in control and have found my submissiveness to be a strength in these situations. As with all things balance is important to a healthy life so I think it is important to be able to put on the dominate pants when the situation calls for it. But, I am happiest when I am submissive, so in that sense I am a submissive all the time deep down.

I have never been a slave to anyone before, but I am currently a slave wannabe for Empress Mika. I am taking her slave training eCourse and the more I learn the more my desire to serve Empress Mika grows. Since I am still new and haven’t had much direct experience with her yet I will just say that Empress Mika has a certain je ne sais quoi that makes me want to be in service to her. Though I truly feel the openness that Empress Mika puts out and has pulled me deeper into her orbit.

Are you a slave to any Domme? If so, explain why you serve Her.

Honestly it is probably taking the plunge and enrolling in Empress Mika’s Slave Training course. Being a slave to a femdomme was something I always wanted to explore, but was the idea intimidated me. I am not used to sharing this side of me with other people. Coming out of my shell as it were has been exhilarating, and I hope as I progress down this path I have many more memorable moments.

What are your most memorable moments, as a submissive?

That people are generally nice and nonjudgmental. I know sex positivity is on the rise as a whole which is great. But, I think I let my fears and insecurities get the better of me when I first started out. Looking back on it if I just embraced what I liked from the start I would have saved a lot of time. I mean you are always going to find bad apples, but they seem to especially rare in my experiences.

What is one thing you wish you knew about FemDom / submission before you started?

That people are generally nice and nonjudgmental. I know sex positivity is on the rise as a whole which is great. But, I think I let my fears and insecurities get the better of me when I first started out. Looking back on it if I just embraced what I liked from the start I would have saved a lot of time. I mean you are always going to find bad apples, but they seem to especially rare in my experiences.

Are there aspects of the FemDom industry you wish you could change? If so, what are they?

Without sounding too judgmental I don’t like how some of the non POV Femdom porn portrays female domination. Most of the time it focuses on the pleasure of the male sub, which is fine and I understand that these videos are primarily made with a male audience in mind. I just wish there was more Femdom videos where the female dominate is demanding of her needs with little regard for the subs pleasure. It would be neat to see videos made without the male gaze. Maybe I haven’t looked hard enough, but I don’t tend to see that scenario play out, and that dynamic is one that I enjoy.

I also wish there were less scammer spam in forums or Reddit. I think they give legit pro-dommes a bad rap to the world at large.

What are your favorite fetishes and why?

Obligatory “Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Okay”

Blood and scat play are a big no go for me. Also needles and piecing, I just can’t handle needles they really squick me out.

In “real life”, do you consider yourself successful? In other words, were you born a sub or are you a sub by choice?

I think people would generally consider me successful in life. Though personally I am the type of person who has a hard time accepting accomplishments. I always end up feeling like I could have done better, nitpicking every little thing that went wrong. This sometimes gets me into trouble, but I’m getting better at tempering that.

Romantically, I am not successful at all. I’ve never had a girlfriend, or any sexual contact with another person. Really, I’ve only kissed a couple of girls in my life. So in that regard I was born a sub. My submissiveness comes out in these interaction for sure and I find myself intimidated by women romantically and sexually. This being said I have no problem being in a platonic relationship with women and some of my closest friends are female.

Describe your ideal relationship with a FemDomme.

Someone to serve and worship. They would mold me into their version of a perfect slave, and I would learn to serve them in the best way possible. And like any relationship there needs to be trust and communication. So an ideal relationship would be with a femdom who I can talk to honestly and who honestly expresses their expectations and needs.

What is your favorite aspect of being a sub?

Having to prioritize someone outside of yourself. I feel this goes against our low level natural instincts of putting yourself first and fighting against that is exciting. I’ve found I get a warm feeling when I’m in the supporting role, and when I am in service to others. I also like how this forces me to be a better me so that I may better serve my owner.

What do you look for when looking for a Domme? Are there any special characteristics that you look for?

That they seem to genuinely like to be a domme. I understand for pro-dommes it is a job, and I don’t expect them to be 100% enthusiastic all the time. But it is easy to tell when someone is just going through the motions. That and a sense that we can get along, of course this is going to be integral to every relationship, but it seems to me that it is especially important with a domme sub dynamic.

Is there anything that a Domme does or could do that would turn you completely away? Or, if you have served a Domme before and left, why did you leave?

I’m not sure. Not respecting my hard limits would be a big red flag for sure, but I’m still a newbie so I’ve never had anything like that happen.

Do you partake in online sessions, clips, or in person sessions? Which are your favorite and least favorite and why?

I’ve only watched clips so far, but I want to try an online session. The personal nature of it makes me feel especially vulnerable which is an exciting new feeling.

Is there anything you would like to say to the DommeSource audience, to both fellow Dommes and subs?

Just to remember to be kind to each other. It can be easy to forget that on the other side of the computer is a real person.

Of course, you do! Fill out the request form here and maybe you will have the honor.

There is a separate section for subs to interview, with the primary goal of showing Dommes a peek into the minds of various subs. Fill out the request form here and maybe you will have the honor.