Sub Spotlight Interview

How did you discover the world of Female Domination / submission and what attracted you to it?

Well I guess there are three answers to this question.

First, of course we all encounter strong women in our lives. My first memory of this was when I was seven and had a beautiful teacher that I was completely in love with. I am sure my desire to please her and do everything she told me to was a very formative influence on my psyche.

Second, our culture already has a strong element of female domination, if you look into the tradition of Courtly Love which was introduced by Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine and her daughter Marie, Countess of Champagne in the Eleventh Century, they promoted the idea that men should serve women.

So a “gentle man” is one who honours and respects women, and places them first. A true Knight is not only the vassal (slave/servant) of the King, but equally and in some respects more so, also the slave of their Lady. CS Lewis was a medieval scholar and wrote of this in his book The Allegory of Love but I actually encountered it when I was probably about eleven in his Narnia book The Silver Chair in which a Knight falls under the spell of a beautiful enchantress, she makes him her mindless slave, willing to do whatever she wants. I absolutely loved this and was thrilled by the idea, I felt the book should end where all the protagonists fell under the spell of the beautiful Witch, and in fact wrote my own ending for the book in which this happens.

Third when I was I think about 19-20 I came across a more traditional femdom film and realised there was a whole subculture going on. I read Venus in Furs and lots of other BDSM books and fantasised about being the slave of a beautiful woman.

However it wasn’t until quite recently that I actually got in touch with anyone else to make this more than a personal daydream.

Are you a slave to any Domme? If so, explain why you serve Her.

Well I’m currently slave-in-training or “slave-wannabe” as She puts it, to Princess Mika. I serve Her because I lust after Her with great intensity and think She is the Hottest Woman on the Planet.

I didn’t really choose Her in any rational way, I just saw Her and fell in love with Her.

However I have had a presentiment that I would fall in love with a beautiful Korean woman for a few weeks now. It began with a dream and I began to just obsessively start googling beautiful Korean women – so when I discovered Princess Mika was half-Korean I knew the Universe wanted me to be Her slave.

What is one thing you wish you knew about FemDom/submission before you started?

As I said I don’t really do a lot of “due diligence” before going with a domme, perhaps I should, I just go with my heart, if that isn’t too ridiculous. However I would say that dommes who specialise in domination when a sub is physically present tend to be more focussed on that and I have only ever done – and only want to do – remote domination. So I have found if the domme I am with is spending the day doing sessions with clients, they aren’t really that bothered taking much notice of me via Twitter.

The other thing I found was I was with a domme who was also camming and was trying to move over to femdom/findom, but although she had two Twitter accounts for the two roles, she spent nearly all her time on the camming account because that was where her income was, so again it wasn’t ideal.

So the lesson really is if you want remote femdom it is probably better to choose a domme who specialises in that. I mean I don’t like generalisations, I’m sure there are exceptions, I’m just saying that’s my personal experience.

What are your favorite fetishes and why?

Fundamentally I like Goddess Worship – I want to be the loyal slave and servant of my Mistress, to tribute her, do things for her, tell her how amazing she is, pray to her, adore her, lust after her, and if I do well to be told I’m a Good Boy.

I like her to give me tasks to do and try to do them successfully. I’m not particularly keen on being disgusting but at the same time part of me wants to prove to my Mistress that I would do anything for her, so there is a little bit of that in there. However more than that I prefer that she gives me more positive goals such as being healthy and keeping fit.

I like brainwashing, I like hypnosis, spellbinding and enchantment – I like my mind being taken on a journey where my thoughts are far away and replaced by those of my Mistress. I very much enjoy the idea of being a mindless, obedient slave.

Really this is going back to The Silver Chair where the Knight is totally under the control and power of the Enchantress. That would be complete heaven.

In “real life”, do you consider yourself successful? In other words, were you born a sub or are you a sub by choice?

Yes I’m successful – I’ve a good job, I’m reasonably well-balanced and happy. I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs test a few times and always come out as an INTJ (The Architect) which it a pretty good combination of personality traits.

However, as I say I don’t necessarily associate being a sub with being unsuccessful. I think Jesus and the Buddha were subs. Gandhi has a quote that you have to be strong to forgive, not weak. So for me there are two types of Sub – perhaps more. The good sub is caring, sympathetic, helpful, thoughtful, patient, kind and good.

However Nietzsche describes the “resentment” of the weak, and there are weak characters who are actually rather loathsome, nursing resentment, being very passive aggressive because they won’t be open about their feelings, they seem to me much darker characters, perhaps they are pretty unpleasant people who want to be punished and beaten out of genuine remorse for their sins.

What is your favorite aspect of being a sub?

I do like getting to know my domme better. I think some people say this is a bit of a red line and don’t mix personal with the role, but actually I think both sides can’t help but mix the two. Yes there is a degree of role playing but we aren’t actors in a play, we are playing out something that gives us pleasure and fulfilment as people, so we are more like emphasising certain aspects of our personalities, giving them a chance to express themselves when they wouldn’t otherwise.

So “we” are still in these roles we play, it is just we are adjusting them to make the way we interact more pleasurable and enjoyable, and isn’t that just how we are in real life anyway, we are always adjusting ourselves to better interact with others – in NLP it is called “Mirroring”.

I often find dommes are just really fascinating people, very intelligent, well read, funny, articulate, often with a very wide range of skills and talents, very independently-minded, original, they really are a blessing to be able to pray to and worship. I do absolutely adore and love them when I am a sub. I don’t act my admiration, I am genuinely adoring of them.

Is there anything that a Domme does or could do that would turn you completely away? Or, if you have served a Domme before and left, why did you leave?

Well apart from the aforementioned, I left one Domme because she just did chastity and I couldn’t carry on with it, it was a shame, she was a fabulous woman.

Is there anything you would like to say to the DommeSource audience, to both fellow Dommes and Subs?

Well in any relationship it is really difficult to know what is going on in the head of the other person, and I think this is particularly true in Femdom, I don’t know how frequently subs leave dommes, but I suspect the rate could be drastically reduced if we were somehow able to communicate better.

In business there is a rule that it is far cheaper to keen an existing customer than get a new one, I don’t know if that is true in Femdom but I can’t help thinking it would be nicer if we were able to understand each other a little better. I do think it must be so difficult for a Domme to second-guess what a Sub is going to want, maybe the Sub doesn’t even know it. If you have ever set a Quiz it is so difficult to not make the questions too easy or too difficult, that’s the challenge I think in Femdom, to utilise the Goldilocks Principle.

Also for Subs to be respectful that while for some dommes this is earning pocket-money, for many it is their income – this is how they pay the bills, so to be respectful of their time and also recognise that they need time off now and again.

Of course, you do! Fill out the request form here and maybe you will have the honor.

There is a separate section for subs to interview, with the primary goal of showing Dommes a peek into the minds of various subs. Fill out the request form here and maybe you will have the honor.