Not Being a Top Domme

Not Being a Top Domme

Not Being a Top Domme


After being a Domme for a while, it can be upsetting to feel as though you are not as successful as you feel you should be. You may see what the top Dommes are posting on their Twitter, making thousands per day, and wonder why you are not able to make the same amount of money.

This can be a sensitive topic for some Dommes so it is my hope to only share my perspective on why this could be and what is helpful (at least to me) to keep in mind.

1. Not Everyone Can Be On Top

    This is just a fact of reality. There wouldn’t be a top if there wasn’t a bottom and, according to mathematical statistics, most people fall somewhere in the middle. Think about all of the Dommes that currently do online FemDom. There are thousands. And, when we think of the top girls, there are what? 50? 100? How many do you want to include? That is such a small percentage to try to fit into and it does you no favors to stress about it. It’s human nature to constantly want to improve and get better and better but it must be balanced with perspective.

2. Your Own Version of Success

    I know a lot of us feel as though we’re not really successful unless we’re “at the top” but I disagree. You can have your own version of success. Seriously. It’s completely okay to set your own goals and not measure yourself fully by what other Dommes are doing or earning. It sounds cheesy but… Just do you and be happy with what you have going on.

    Sometimes, it can help to remember what you would be making if you were doing some other job. Then, it becomes clear that although you’re not making as much as the Top Dommes, you’re still doing insanely well compared to what you used to do or could be doing, especially when you consider the perks of this job such as working from home.

3. Earnings Can Be Inflated

    I’m not saying every Domme inflates her earnings but certainly much of the focus is on earnings. It’s part of the fetish for the subs and it’s part of our job as Dommes to not only highlight our earnings but also to make it seem as though earning is extraordinarily easy. In reality, it’s not always that easy. Most Dommes, even the top ones, work extremely hard and with long hours. It is helpful to always keep this kind of perspective in mind.

4. Time is Needed

    It is usually only after a Domme has been established for years with a large following… that things may become a bit easier. She has worked hard and put in the time necessary to get there. It just isn’t fair to compare yourself to someone that has been doing FemDom for a long time and is heavily established when you’re starting out.

    I feel as though many models get started and think they will immediately have success within a few months. Not so. It took me personally over a year to refine my own hustle. With a few exceptions to the rule, you must be patient and continue to work hard through the slow times as you learn more about yourself and what works for you.

5. Don’t Think About How to Make More

    As soon as you fall into the trap of thinking “How do I make more money in FemDom? What will subs pay for?” You are already starting on the road to failure to become a Slave to the Sub. This can contribute to the frustration of seeing the success of others.

    Instead, it’s better to think of ways that will make you enjoy FemDom interactions with your subs. When you have fun, the right subs will also have fun with you and keep coming back for more.

At the end of the day, stressing and being upset over not being a top Domme shouldn’t be sucking up your energy. Comparing yourself to others is never a good idea. Instead, be happy for those Dommes that found great success and improve your own Domme hustle in a way that makes you happiest. Feeling your best is way more important than a ranking, in my opinion.

Share this Post